Alexis

Shawn Fredericks

 

When I looked into your eyes the first time, I’ll admit it intimidated me

 

Not because you did anything to intimidate me, it was what you didn’t do

 

You weren’t ditzy, you weren’t capricious, and despite your expensive taste, you had little vanity

 

You were graceful, witty, good company, albeit a little weird, and as cliché as it sounds, Beautiful

 

And I mean beautiful, as in invariably beautiful, the type of beauty that does not come my way ever. It gave me a good kind of scare

 

And no, I’m not talking about your looks, it was everything about you, from the way you talk to what you were about, to even when you was cussing me out, it all felt beautiful 

 

That is not to say I didn’t look at those long legs, slim waist, and that smooth face with those full lips, and that delicious skin tone, in all its chocolate essence, 

Good Lord, I need to let my pen breathe a moment… back to my thoughts

A queen you were, sitting high on a throne, reigning over my thoughts

 

And that was totally unfair to you, and selfishly unfair to myself 

I put you above everything else  

 

Because ideas are fun to play around with, but you were a woman more than a human being, not a mere thought

 

I created an idea of you, before I took the time to appreciate you as you are 

 

I didn’t take the time to appreciate your flaws, before wanting what I wanted from you: that idea of you

 

Although as I learned your flaws, it made that throne I sat you on in my mind crack, then break apart completely

 

I no longer thought of you as a queen, but as an angry, vain, and clumsy woman, unworthy of my companionship

 

I villainized you for being who you are, you were just being you, I did what a lot of people do, well, what a lot of men do to women: punish them for the crime of being themselves 

 

And still, you shine in spite of—or because of—your flaws, you’re Queen because of who you are, not who I think you should be

 

I was too young to appreciate your complexities, I appreciated the cover of your story, but did not take the time to read it,  I just put you on my bookshelf as nice decoration and I was wrong for doing that because you are, and forever will be, so much more

 

My apologies,